she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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