New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
