i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
