On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
