He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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