In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
