I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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