I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
