my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
