So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
