wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
