Tell her she can't have a vagina
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Randomize