Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
