she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
