why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
