If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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