Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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