If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
