threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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