I wish you could order shots online.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
