Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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