I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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