I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i out mim tonsoeep
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