were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
