i permit you to call me
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
