omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
