You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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