in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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