I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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