I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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