I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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