hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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