That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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