We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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