no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
