My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
