it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Randomize