If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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