This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
