And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
