Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
