So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Girls should come with a carfax report
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
