I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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