I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
