Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
