and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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