Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
