I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize