I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
