I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
