there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
