dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
