4 words: hood of his car
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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