i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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