thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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