worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
