So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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