He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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