god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
