i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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