Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize