Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
